“The Way You Look Tonight”

Today is our 1 year anniversary! I can’t believe it’s been a year already.

One year ago in June…Tri’s mom had recently passed away, and we were all deep in grief. After she died, Tri immediately left for Nepal to participate in the mourning process but was back by June with a plan to return to Nepal.

I had just graduated from college and was so happy to have Tri back with me in the US. We were both getting ready to leave for Nepal, but we had to get married before we left. (this post explains what happened that spring and why we married young).

We looked into getting married at the Philadelphia courthouse, but there was something about it that didn’t work. I think it was that we had to book a date in advance, and we didn’t have time for that. We asked around, trying to find someone who would marry us. One of my mom’s friend emailed a pastor she knows to see if the pastor would do it, but she said that she rarely officiates weddings and when she does, she requires a two month counseling period. We definitely didn’t have time for that. At that point, Tri and I were getting worried. We just wanted to get married! Finally, somebody remembered that mayors can officiate weddings. One of my parents’ friends is the mayor of the small town that they live in, and when my dad called him up, he agreed on the spot. We set a date for two days later, June 21. We didn’t realize until our wedding day that it was the summer solstice; maybe it was meant to happen on that day, an auspicious one in my book 🙂

The day we got married I returned home to my parents’ house from our apartment and tried to help my mom get things ready.

A few hours before the ceremony, I picked out an outfit. My mom got some flower arrangements from the local flower shop. And Tri showed up from work in the late afternoon.

Before everything started, a few close family and friends came over to be with us and we set up a skype call with my older brother so that he could watch the ceremony from Boston.

Tri and I stood up with the officiant, our family friend. The minute I got up there, I started to get nervous. It’s funny because we’d been together for over three years at that point and had been certain since almost the beginning that we wanted to get married, but somehow, I was still shaking at the alter. I wasn’t nervous about getting married to Tri, but I recognized it as one of those moments I’ll remember for the rest of my life. The significance of that made me jittery.

Our officiant asked the important questions, we said yes, and I felt a great sense of relief.

After the ceremony, we called Tri’s dad in Nepal. It was a sad phone call; we told him we were married, and we all cried a bit. It was difficult not to have either of Tri’s parents there with us.

Then we all sat down to a big dinner and homemade cake. Despite the grief that Tri and I felt, it was still a beautiful day and a time of celebration.

We haven’t given up on having a bigger wedding, though, and right now we’re looking at dates in Spring of 2014. I know it seems far away, but I really want to get it right this time. I want to take time to plan it out and make it possible to have a big celebration with our friends and family.

I have worried about whether or not we did things right, especially because we breached tradition in both cultures. Even before the wedding, we didn’t really “get engaged.” Tri never got down on one knee or gave me an engagement ring. We just kind of decided together that we wanted to get married. And then the whole thing with having multiple weddings…Is it strange to get legally married first and have our wedding later? Which date will we celebrate our anniversary on?

But I’ve come to peace with the fact that we haven’t done it the traditional way. Talking to others who haven’t followed tradition has also illuminated the fact that it’s okay. People do things differently and it all works out. The most important thing is that Tri and I get to be together and that we’re happy. After a year of marriage, I can definitely say that we are.

Not to be too cheesy, but in honor of our anniversary, here’s one of my favorite romantic songs (I’ve been singing it to Tri all night)…

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14 thoughts on ““The Way You Look Tonight”

  1. Happy Anniversary Zoe! What really matters is that your together and happily married 🙂 you can keep getting married over and over again as long as there’s life and love 🙂 Good luck for the years to come!

  2. Such a sweet story and happy anniversary! I’m sure your friends and family would be thrilled to celebrate your love with another ceremony and it means you get two anniversaries/celebrations each year! 🙂

  3. Happy Anniversary! Even though the event was nontraditional, it is still special, and I think there is no harm in doing another wedding in the future if you want. Even if you do, this original date will still be something special to celebrate. I hope you guys got to to something fun or spend time together on your day! 🙂

  4. Happy Anniversary, Zoe! It was nice to read this post as I’m experiencing similar feelings right now. We did have a traditional wedding in India (it will be one year next month), but my family wasn’t able to be there, and in all honesty the night was chaotic and stressful. Still this day will always be special for us. But I’m also feeling more and more inclined to have an American wedding, or at least some kind of reception, for all of our friends and family on this side of the ocean. I look forward to hearing how your planning goes! And I’m curious to know, will you be keeping the same rings you are wearing now? Thanks for sharing 🙂

    • It’s funny you should ask about the rings because it’s been on my mind. When we got married last year we got each other tungsten carbide rings, something inexpensive but durable. We wanted to save something for our later ceremony, so we thought we’d do that gold wedding band thing later on. But we both have ended up loving our tungsten carbide rings. They’re super strong (really good for a clutz like me), and they’re simple but nice. I think I still want to get gold rings, but I’m torn about it. Definitely something I need to think about…

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